Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Bible Lessons at Work

                Most people I know I have met through certain settings, which allows me to judge there character based on this. I met some really nice people when my wife and I went on our trip to Cancun. After a few questions were asked, we knew right away if we should chit chat or run like the resort was on fire. The beauty of it was that we got to choose who we talk too. When we came back to our regular lives, I noticed that for eight hours of my day I couldn't run like crazy from certain people.  The work place is that place where no matter what, everyone has an opinion and you just can't spend all day in the bathroom trying to get away.
                Seeing as how I can't just ignore twenty odd voices at any given time, I tried selective hearing. This is how I arrived at Bible Lessons from Work. When I was eighteen or so, I always joked about the creepy old man that could never just be happy. Well, little did I know that when I got my first job I would be working with two creepy old men! These two guys were almost normal on the outside, but twisted mad on the inside. The first old man Gary, wanted to teach me about God. The only problem was, he only remembered one thing from Sunday School back in the early 1900's. He proceeded to tell me how the Pastor or Priest (he couldn't remember if they were Christian of Catholic) said, "If you really want to upset God, mess with his timing." Gary now staring at me like only a creepy old man can, asks me if I know what this means. Still immobilized by the glare, I just shrug my shoulders. Gary pipes up with, "All you have to do is kill yourself. You know commit suicide." My boss, the psycho is hearing this and feels obligated to ask, "What if it is suicide by cop? Like when you start shooting a bunch of people, the cops show up and you only give them the option to kill you?"
                I wish that I could tell you that all this is a rouse. However, this is a real life conversation that took place. I can't tell you how we started on this path, but I can tell you that the feeling dogs get that makes the hair on the back of their necks stand up is the same feeling I had because all the hair on my body was at attention.  When I tried to slip away, Gary roped me back in with the comment, "No, If some else kills you, In God's eyes your good."
                In hopes that it was all over, creepy old man number 2 David is in on this conversation. David needing to be heard, decides to lead out with, "Well you know, the more people you kill the higher you will be in heaven. Haven't you ready the old testament. Nations would just war with each other, and whoever killed more were the ones who were 'chosen' by God. So think on that one." The psycho boss didn't have to think very hard before he decide to ask, "Where does that leave Hitler?" David must have argued this point before because he didn't miss a beat, "In the middle."
                Now I am not the most educated person in the world, but there are a few things I do know. One of those things, is that in the Bible, the chosen people were the Jews, and Hitler was one of those people that really didn't like Jews. Therefore, I feel like the conclusion of him being in the middle is wrong. In hindsight I can only express how I felt that day as truly going through the range of emotions. It starting with uncomfortable, leading into fearing for my life, and ending in laughter. When I replay that time in my mind, I start to giggle and just hope that I don't turn into that creepy old man.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Black Sheep

You know how you can spend time with a certain group of people, and in every group there is the one guy who is for sure the black sheep. Well, I play poker Thursday nights, and Rob is that black sheep. This guy could be seen as crazy, but truthfully he is just a little off. The first time I met this guy, we did the standard greeting followed by the question that threw me for a loop. "So Chris, what's your credit like?"

This being the first time that I have gone to play poker at this persons house, I had to ask, "Whats the buy in again?" If this guy is asking about my credit, I wanted to be clear that it was just fifteen dollars, and not something like fifteen hundred dollars. He chuckled, and by chuckled, I mean that when he laughs his whole body looks like it is jumping up and down.

After cultivating a good conversation with this guy, I finally asked him why he wanted to know what my credit was like. He told me about his business venture, and how he needs investors. By investors, he means me. I like helping out people, so I asked what my money would be working towards. With a twinkle in his eye like I was the first person to ask this question, and his grand idea was about to revolutionize the world, and now starting to smirk, he responded...robots.

Unsure of how to take this, because I am still not quite positive if he is just messing with me, I smiled. I thought that a polite smile would have been better than hitting him with mockery and ridicule. I wish I would have hit him with it. As the rest of the people returned to the poker table, Rob has now started to come unglued billowing, "He has seen the light! A man that can see a beautiful opportunity to invest in the future!"

Every person at that table was wide eyed, and jaws on the floor. I of course was the one that was almost sent into shock by these thunderous words. With Rob staring at me, like his wolf pack just grew to 2, I had to kindly inform him that I was not in a position to invest at this time. I apologized for possibly leading him to believe that I was saying yes to be his sole investor in his idea of robots. This is the delicate of me saying that. I almost chose to go with your crazy, I just met you and you want thousands of dollars from me right now for a one word idea with no plan to follow.

When later asked about it by the friend that invited me to the poker game, I had troubles explaining. He asked me what i said to Rob to give him the impression that I would like to invest with him. All I could say was, I just smiled at him. Since then, i have gone to play poker there for a few years, and now being a part of this group, I can only say... Thanks Rob for being the Black Sheep, I have come to tears in laughter because of you.